Happy not birthday

I think I made a BIG mistake by choosing friends over family. Last night I was sitting in my bed thinking whose going to wake me up and sing happy birthday to me like my mom has done for the past 19 years? Who is going to be waiting downstairs and just love me and be happy that I'm Rachel and that I was born on May 10th 1989? I know its something silly and simple, But instantly when I realized I wouldn't be spending my birthday with my family, I started crying. Is this what growing up feels like? Knowing that your family is a phone call away but they feel like they are just gone forever from your life. Realizing that I am stuck in Utah til next Thursday, I think I don't want to be in this room, in this apartment, this city, this ward full of freshman girls giggling and being cute. I need something different NOW.

G.N.O [girls night out]

Photo 166
Originally uploaded by rachbobach453

First notice how Syd for sure looks like a creeper. Wow. Second this was taken at 11:00 P.M wow really. Third this was about 20 minutes before we went to wendys and got JBC, chicken nuggies, and a frosty twist, [and that was just Syd's order.] Fourth I took this picture because this was my first picture with bangs. I have never had bangs and I kinda like them but I can't wait to see what they will be like when my hair is curly............ah. So we watched monster-in-law, yeah it was a good movie, good morals [Don't be mean to your mother-in-law] and J.Lo so what more could you want. We tried getting guys to come over and bring us Chocolate Ice cream but I we didn't really try as hard as we could have oh well.

Every one just dance

Don't you just hate it when your in a public area and you hear your favorite song and all you want to do is dance!?!?! Its a horrible crime to put popular fun loving music for everyone to dance to and humiliate themselves.

He's just not that into you as told by Rachel Michele

So I was reading that book "He's just not that into you" and I really didn't help me out but it made me think of a few things:

  1. If a guy you like spontaneously starts wanting to be with you and starts calling you everyday do to stuff, that means he has some interest in you??? Right. WRONG. He's using you because when he spontaneously stops talking to you and doesn't want to hang around you, it means he just not that into you. Or he just decided to get back together with his Ex. or whatever
  2. If you meet a really cute, funny guy at a party and you hit it off but forget to get his number or the other way around, DO NOT go looking for him on facebook or stalk him or try to get his number from mutual friends. Chances are that you guys DID hit it off, so If you can find him on facebook, he can find you. It makes it more of a chase if he initiates it first. If he doesn't he is LAZY and you don't want to be with a LAZY guy. Even if say you did find him and you hit it off instantly or later, you will still be the one who made the first move and that could be how the relationship is......
  3. If you like this kid who is cute and genuinely a nice guy but you only hang out with him at night[2am or later] Do Not let that part of him phase you. Just because you may talk to him and see him on a regular basis, doesn't mean it will turn into something more. The reason you hang out that later is because he doesn't want anything more. He's just not that into you. Be with someone who thinks about you everyday and every minute, not just for some fun times at night. Girls deserve so much better and they shouldn't think they are not relationship worthy. Every girl CAN get any guy they want. They just have to first believe they can and respect themselves.
  4. If a guy makes you choose over another guy, Please remember what you like about him and what you don't. It's horrible to make a quick decision without thinking it through. Be careful I would say follow your brain and let it do all the thinking but when it comes to it, You have to be in tune and listen to you heart[wow that sounds so corny but its true]. Your brain thinks about the logical parts or a relationship but its like the church, you have to have faith that's what makes you grow stronger. If you think way too hard about things like The Book Of Mormon and the stories, you'll mind will take over and it will lead you away from the spirit and you will be confused on whats really true. So back to relationships, It is simple as just following that little gut feeling,:) don't think about the all the little logistics. ok now I'm rambling I'll stop.
  5. Be careful which bridges you wish to rebuild. keep your guard up, just because its the past doesn't mean it can't effect the future.
  6. This is really isn't advice but this one just bugs me: So you like this kid but your not sure when the right time kiss is. if he tries to kiss you and you accept it, does that make you easy? Does it give him the right to disrespect you? lets say option b where you say" I think we are taking things to fast". The boy would back off and later say he has respect for you for turning him down.......... so back to option a where you let him kiss you. Why should the girl have to be the ones to turn down the guy, why can't he just not make the move in the first place. I mean doesn't that make more sense if he likes a girl he should respect her instead of testing her limits? I understand the whole getting to know you stage and all [that is very important] BUT if all is said then why can't it be done too.
I have some more advice but I can't think of any more. More to come.
Rachel michele

It summer time ladies and gents, here come the black feet

Photo 476, originally uploaded by rachbobach453.

Ummmm so I was chilling in my room, when my roommate yelled in disgust, pointing at my feet. Look at them the are stained black.[they washed off when i took a shower that night] But It was funny because today I didnt even wear shoes probably only to the store to get bubbles. I am SO ready for summer!!!!!

BEE BEE money

Photo 119, originally uploaded by rachbobach453.

So This is B money. he is in love with sydney. i dont know why he wouldn't because she is un REAL. and i love her too. who doesnt. i LOVE SYDNEY. bye.

Really Utah!!!?? Really

Photo 371, originally uploaded by rachbobach453.

This is what Provo, Utah looks like today, April 15th 2009. This is a problem for sure. I woke up and it was snowing, A LOT. I called my Mom to tell her the horrible news and she just laughed for about 5 minutes. I was hopping for sympathy. Nope nothing. haha. I don't feel like doing anything but sleeping and playing Mario Kart. so To Wii we go.

Fix you. Fix me please

when I feel like I don't know what to do, I listen to Coldplay or Dashboard and hopefully think I can fix things.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
  1. Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you


Photo 360, originally uploaded by rachbobach453.

shoes. I'm not really a shoe person but I sure do love these. red. white and blue and crocodiles. my favorite things.

This weather here in Utah is killing me. I'm getting depressed and I'm hating where I am right now. I need new friends, a job, new teeth, and new hair. Hopefully I will have checked them all off by the end of April. What I'm hating most is where I am living. I hate going into my apartment and hating being there. There are only about three people in there that don't piss me off constantly. You would think its just that time of the month that I'm just really irritable and a bee but I'm like that all the time now. I really dont mean to but I think I'm just stuck in a Hell Hole that its just normal for me to be like this. You know there are some voices that are like screeching birds and you want to strangle them that sounds like that. Those people are around me a lot . Do I have a sign that says "annoy Rachel or Michele or whatever her name is." I really shouldn't be rude over the internet because like mom says "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.".....I do have other great friends new and old, but I guess now that I'm getting older, It's getting harder to tell which ones are my true friends. I hate that. Hate it.

Roses are red and pink and orange...and brown?

Photo 367, originally uploaded by rachbobach453.

Look at the roses my dad send me on valentines! They are so pretty and its April and they are still blooming. It's like my own mini Love fern/rose. If you nurish something, it will be beautiful forever. ok I just made that up and It really doesn't make sense, oh well. I look at it every day and miss my family a lot everyday. My newphews are getting more and more precious. I just want to sqeeze them and hold them and steel them and take me them to Utah with me. Maybe that will win over then guys here........

Go Green.

Photo 369, originally uploaded by rachbobach453.

bahah hello my name is Rachel Michele and I go to Utah valley University. My GPA is not there and It is NOT getting Higher. The professors there are really nice especially the Mexican rice.The food tastes like butt and the Hall of Flags are full of sluts. Sweet bros and bra faces on there long boards and Utah poofs everywhere. blah. Is this school really for me. Is school at all for me????

Bloggers welcome.

YAY. My sister got a blog....because I told her too and because she loves me and I love her and My newest nephews!!! Kingston and London Polson. They are probably the cutest babies I have ever seen, I'm not just saying this because they are my nephews, its Just true and fact.They are just so cute and I get to go see them this wednesday!!^^^They look like little men. Ever seen that movie" The curious case of Benjamin button". Yea so cute. Because technology is amazing, I got to see these two when they were just born and the whole week through skype.As I got the Facebook notification that my sister had written on my wall, I started this blog...prolonging my time in the library for my ethics test tomorrow. The library and I have a love hate relationship. I love going because I see everyone but then I hate it because that means I'm at BYU and I walk around and feel so out of place becuase a. I am NOT a zoobie and b..... I'm not a ZOOBIE. My roommate Tawnie is going to BYU for the summer and she is like me, in that BYU is not the school for her. But unlike me she will be saving a lot of money because BYU is cheaper and UVU has out of state tution(by the way is about 3,000 more than a Utah resident. How lame!!!!

Ok I have a goal to be out of this joint by 10:00........Crap.

Take it in for all its worth.

I love going to this guys website. Ive mentioned him in my blog before. He is a music teacher for a school in New York. They Go by ps22chorus. I go there a lot because these kids that sing are truly amazing. They have so much passion and strength, I love it.

Still awake and well.

Lets say there is this ice cream flavor from Ben & Jerry's [Cherry Garcia] and as we all know that flavor has been out for quite some time. Its just rich and tasty and everyone is loving it. So lets say recently the company makes this new- hot flavor that everyone will love [ peanut butter fantasy]. Once everyone sees it they just love it. The weird this is, is that the new flavor isn't even advertised well, yet it still gets the taste buds of all America. The other weird thing is that this old flavor makes the effort to be sold and the new flavor sits in the freezer and gets sold out in a millisecond of catching the customers eye. The old flavor is still bought but not as much as peanut butter fantasy. It's not that they forget that Cherry Garcia is still on the aisle it's that its not the new crave. It becomes plain Jane.

Don't you just hate that?

Just another hate post

These are the things that seperate you fom being a mature adult and making mistakes, what makes the difference is when you decide its important to change and if you care about yourself enough to actually do it... My roommate/my best friend shared that with me today. 

My life really isn't that hard, I just have a lot of upsets in life. Most people have learned to get over then or what makes them feel better from it, but for some reason I missed that lesson in primary or something. I have no idea how to calm myself from my anger or little upsets, as I may call them. I try Yoga, listening to music while hanging off my bed, screaming really loud.... nothing seems to feel that void of peace and calm feelings. Syd was giving me all this advice and help and I know all of it is true and seems very logical, I just don't know how to apply it and use it. Its not like math how when you learn an equation and a light bulb flickers and you just get it, Its like ferbies, They are so absurd and dumb but once you learn to shut it up....no never mind you still have no idea why ferbies exist. Another thing that really upsets me, is how some people can be so dumb that they don't even realize it....EVER. For example, a guy that you maybe, just maybe like, talks about other girls to you just so causally that its so dumb. They may not even realize their offense, but shouldn't they have the decency to get a hint that if the girl is making any kind of effort to talk to you, invite you to do things that they MAY like YOU. I am usually not the one to talk about this so openly but Its really bugging me a lot. To the point that I am giving up. So I'm done with them.

Never-ending disaster

Read in between the lines?
Please don't offer any sympathy
The words I hear, lack much of a symphony
Drums play the beats and trumpets sing the notes
Plug in the earphones and listen to me sing.

Hear me. Love me.
Unlock the door, with written scribbles of answers.
I'll only wait till the digital numbers tick faster
Once its at zero, my heart might break or turn into plaster.

This is my never ending disaster.
Its hard to breathe this toxic air that's filled with your lurid thoughts
Just look at the tree, filled with our memories, wrought
as they fall to the ground, don't try to pick them up
Please don't be the hero your not

Don't belittle my actions or twist my reactions
It as simple as addition and subtraction
Take you out of my life, equals guaranteed satisfaction.

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves.......

Blah Blah Blah. I'm an insomniac real bad. I have the worst sleeping schedule ever. You probably asking yourself: What the hell does Rachel do at night.....everyone's asleep? Answer: Dude I don't even know..... Anyway some kid was telling me about how most people, say 85%, lie more than 3 times when they talk. I'm not sure where he gets his information, but it sounds about right to me. Back in the day I used to be a compulsive liar. It was real bad like for instance, I told my cousin that in the 'Hit me baby one more time' Britney Spears video, that this girl that was but ugly was only in that video because she was a daughter of a producer of that video...............hahahha I made that up...but seriously, that doesn't even make me sound impressive. Or here's a funny one; I always wanted a younger sibling really bad, so one time I just randomly mentioned to my friend that I had a little sister that was in Kindergarden. So when you make up a lie you kinda have to follow through with it, so we were in choir singing and my friend asked where my sister was..... so i pointed to the cutest kid in the crowd and go: OH LOOK THATS HER, and I waved and she weirdly waved back. My friend later asked at my birthday party where she was and I always said something like;

oh she's sick or she does pageants so shes in Florida
............... I was so weird. Now occasionally, I will fib a little but only to protect others........


I've been waiting for Spurs to come to Utah since last year and today is the day!!!! I have to admit i haven't been my normal self as an avid fan since school has taken over my life. BUT I'm still a HUGE fan. I think I'll wear my Spurs jersey to FHE tonight. Only appropriate right? Stupid Lakers ruined spurs winning streak. But don't worry, the Jazz will be defeated.

Your not even that special.
I hate that you made me like you.
Your immature.
Your fake.
Your a liar.
You made me think I'm useless.
You took interest without taking notice or taking me with you.
You used me.
Made me angry.
Then made me realize.
I'm better.
I'm me.
I am who I am tomorrow and the next day and forever
I actually know what I want.
They all said I could do better; they were so right.
You don't deserve me.
Or this letter.
Or those wasted moments I thought of you.
It's the end of the end
I'm over it.

Why do things get my down? I should probably ask why I get so frustrated so easily when something goes wrong. This month has been full of disappointments either towards my self or others. The ones that let me down are just proving me right that its harder to trust then. I know what they are capable of , yet i still want them there. I hate it. Having feeling like this. Why are there so many flakes every where, not the snowflakes either. 


Let me Repeat this LOUDLY: I don't need anymore boys that are friends. Reaally i don't. I have the perfect amount already. So what are you waiting for?

Okay so I've realized I really am the queen of procrastination. I win every time. It should make me upset but i doesn't I guess I've learned that thats who I am I can't try to be this Girl that always on top of things because thats just not my style I guess. Haha, wow I'm so waiting for syd to say Thats what she said any moment now. It was funny Chris came over last night, well at 1 am and we just talked about the dumbs in life, and we were talking about all the BEST "thats what she said" jokes. oh so funny so funny.